random 3:00 AM thoughts.
Today's one of those days where the past feels a little too close for comfort. When i was scrolling through Reddit, I came across a post about feeling used in a past relationship. It hit me like a ton of bricks. EVERY word resonated.
It brought back all those raw emotions from my own break-up, the one that left me feeling like a crumpled piece of paper tossed aside after serving its purpose. Years of love, support, and vulnerability, all of it for NOTHING.
I know I'm not alone in this. Reading those comments, it felt like looking into a mirror. The same confusion, the same hurt, the same fear of ever opening up again. It's like, is this really what it it’s like to fall in love nowadays? A cycle of using and discarding people?
The worst part? It makes you question everything. The happy memories, were the good times real or was it just a facade? when did the other person started planning their escape? Now you are left with constant doubt of the authenticity of everything you once shared.
I know some people say it gets better, that you learn and move on. But right now, the thought of putting myself out there again, or risking that kind of vulnerability, is terrifying. It feels easier to stay single, to protect myself from the potential of getting hurt.
But then I saw one of the comment about someone finding peace and happiness after a long relationship. It makes me think that perhaps the answer isn't in closing myself off entirely, but in learning to protect myself while still opening my heart. To love fiercely, but now with boundaries. To build walls around my vulnerability, not to shut it out completely. Maybe then, someday, I'll be open to love again, but on my own terms, with a heart that's whole again.
But for now, I'm allowing myself to feel everything such as the anger, the sadness, the fear. Because acknowledging them is the first step towards healing and finding the strength to love again.
For now, sending virtual hugs to everyone out there carrying the same scars. You're not alone.
-CHRYSALIS